


the ghost in the back of your head

by sawuhs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Feels, Longing, M/M, also: hallucinations, more like lays down and cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 05:45:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawuhs/pseuds/sawuhs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“When are we going to be together again?”</em><br/><em>“You know when, Loki. I’m already waiting.”</em> </p><p>In which, centuries after Tony's death, Loki incites Ragnarök just to see him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the ghost in the back of your head

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say I wouldn't have been able to done this without MaverikLoki. She's also the lovely editor for this piece. I'm just. Words, man. Words. And Mav, thanks for putting up with my crying whenever I write things. You so best.

“Thurd! Come back here,” Thor scolds, chasing after his daughter. “You are not to disturb your uncle Loki.”

By the time he catches up to her, she is already in Loki’s study, tugging at Loki’s pants. Laughing, Loki puts aside his book and picks her up onto his lap. “It’s alright, Thor,” Loki says, ruffling the top of her thick brown locks of hair. “I see she’s learned how to run.”

Standing by the doorway, Thor looks sheepish. He scratches himself on the cheek before walking in up to Loki and his child. “Yes, she did a while ago,” Thor tells Loki, sighing. “My apologies. I am already troubling you with allowing us to stay with you for a while, and yet it seems I continue to trouble you further.” He looks at his daughter with thin lips, who ducks her head and turns to press it into Loki’s chest.

She peeks out from the side of her brown eyes. The room is a cosy one, with every wall lined with bookshelves. There are tomes she recognises, and has seen before in the library in Asgard. Other tomes, she has never heard of, but a title that stands out to her is ‘Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer’.

“Don’t be foolish. I don’t mind Thurd, or your other children, and I understand your need for a vacation now that you’re king. How is Asgard anyway?”

“Good. It is only a pity that you are unwilling to come back and be our advisor.”

Loki chuckles and waves his hand in the air. “Brother, you know I am not welcome there. Especially not after…” He trails off, looking into the distance.

At that, Thor frowns and kneels before them. “You know that is not true, Loki. You have done wondrous things for it and you are always welcome in Asgard. Now come on, Thurd. We should leave your uncle to his work. It is not nice to interrupt people.”

Thurd, unwilling to leave, only clutches on harder onto Loki’s lapels. “Not yet,” she huffs. “Not until uncle Loki tells me a story.”

“She is truly your daughter,” Loki laughs. “You were like that when you were a child. Always demanding for someone to tell you a story.”

Thor flushes and laughs uneasily. “Come now, brother,” he says. “Do not embarrass me in front of my daughter.”

“Why, would you rather me do it in front of all your children?” Loki teases.

“Brother!”

“Tell me a story, uncle Loki,” Thurd whines. She bounces on his lap, wanting the attention.

“She’s exactly like you,” Loki says to Thor, then to Thurd, he says, “Alright, darling. What would you like me to tell you?”

“Um,” she says, bouncing up and down harder.

At this, Loki has to hold her in case she falls off. Thor looks apologetic. Thurd looks around the study in attempt to find something that might incite an idea. Eventually her eyes fall on a portrait of a man. The man in the picture is staring at the camera, grinning widely. He has short cropped hair, and wears a goatee. It seems like he was at the beach when this picture was taken. Fascinated by it, Thurd points to it.

“Who’s that?” she asks, all innocence.

“That’s your uncle Tony, love,” is all Loki says, staring at the picture himself.

“Why have I not met him?” she asks again, tilting her head.

Both Thor and Loki stiffen at the question; Thor because he is worried, and Loki because, _well._ Thurd, between them, looks confused and is still waiting for an answer. After a moment, Thor laughs awkwardly and picks his daughter up with much effort as she kept holding to Loki, begging for them to answer her.

“Now, daughter of mine,” Thor says softly, but in a voice to show he means business. “Let uncle Loki be alone for now, I’m sure he will tell you a story later.”

She pouts, but nods. As Thor stands up with Thurd in his arms, he says to Loki, “I’ll see you at dinner, brother.” But Loki does not reply; his mind is already in another place.

In the corridor, Thurd asks her father quietly, “Where’s uncle Tony?”

“He is gone, child. I am afraid you shall never meet him.”

She pinches her face together, disappointed.

“Are there any more pictures of him?” she asks later, when Thor has set her down in the living room with her siblings and mother.

Sif cocks an eyebrow, “Who is she asking about?”

“Uncle Tony,” Thurd replies.

Her brothers pause in the middle of their game and look at her. They know only part of the story, they were alive then, and have always tried to find out more about it but to no avail. No one seemed willing to talk about him.

“Oh,” is all Sif says, shaking her head.

“So are there any more pictures of him?” Thurd repeats, crossing her arms and staring at her father.

“No, child,” Thor says, “Uncle Loki burned them after your uncle Tony died.”

* * *

That night Thor wakes up to yelling from a distance and a knocking on his door. Sif stirs next to him and sits up, rubbing her eye. “Who is it?” she asks sleepily. The door opens and Magni enters with Modi and Thurd trailing behind.

“Papa, it is uncle Loki,” Magni murmurs when he’s at the foot of his parents’ bed.

There’s a scream, and Thor sighs. It isn’t the first time this has happened, but it’s the first time this has happened with Thurd here. The children climb onto the bed and Thor pets their heads. He tells them to stay in bed with their mother; he’ll go out to check on Loki.

As Thor makes his way out of the house, he passes by a room with an open door. He knows this room, and takes a minute to linger by it. In it are boxes and boxes stacked with scarcely any furniture. He knows who these items belong to, and knows how long they’ve been here. They all belong to Tony, and even though he hasn’t been around for more than a hundred years, his belongings remain. It’s as if Loki is still waiting for him to come back.

The house seems to be stuck in time. Centuries and centuries have passed on Midgard even while Tony was still alive, and yet this house has not moved on. If anything, it seems to have aged in reverse. It’s stripped of glass windows and technology, of coffee machines and cars. But that’s a lie, Thor knows. While it seems that way, he knows that up in the attic is where the technology lies with wide glass windows that look like plain brown bricks from the outside. Magic is the reason for that, so whenever Loki is outside, he’ll never see the glass. There’s also a little kitchenette in the attic with a coffee machine, and Tony’s favourite mug. While cars still aren’t present, Thor knows that for all the other reasons above, Loki would never visit the attic. The only room he’ll be in with Tony’s possessions is the one where they are all stored in boxes. Even so, all he’ll do is stand there, never once touching anything.

Thor pulls away from the room, and drags his feet to the front door. He knows what is to come; a part of him wants to be there for his brother, but the other part is just tired of it all and wants to go back to bed. Eventually, Thor opens the front door in time for the wind to carry a loud sob past his ears. His expression softens, much further than it already has. With a heavy heart, he closes the door and starts to make his way to his brother.

For a human, the weather would be far too cold right now. While Thor doesn’t feel it, he shivers as he cuts through the tall grass in search of Loki.

It isn’t hard to find him; he is in the exact same place as the last time. Right by the beach, facing the sea. His arms are flung out, for another shout. He’s cursing the Norns, cursing all the gods, including himself, for being so unfair. Then he’s sobbing again, arms dropping only to cradle himself. He looks nothing like the god he was. Even mischief, while in his nature, is something Loki doesn’t dawdle in anymore. If a god is ever to be forsaken, Thor supposes this is what they would look like. Thor sighs, and wonders when it’ll be the last time Loki will torture himself like that.

“Brother,” Thor says, soft with concern.

Loki flinches at his name, and looks up. Thor finds what he found the last time when he touched Loki on the shoulder: his brother with streaks of tears down his face, with alcohol laced on his breath. It’s ironic, how Loki picked up this alcoholism from Tony, when Loki had been the one to save Tony from it to begin with. While it’s the same problem, Thor knows that Loki would never touch any of the drinks Tony used to drink. It’s never worth risking remembering more of Tony than he already does.

“Brother,” Thor says again. He holds his arms in an open gesture, which Loki flings himself at.

“Why?” Loki sobs into Thor’s chest. “Why did Anthony have to leave?”

They’ve been through this a hundred times, and yet never once had Loki seemed to be content with the answer. “You know why, brother,” Thor murmurs, stroking his brother’s hair. “Tony would never leave you had he the choice. He’d stay with you forever.”

The last sentence rips another cry from Loki’s throat. Thor winces, he knows the words ‘forever’ and ‘Tony’ should never go together at a time like this. Though it doesn’t mean it’s any less true, Thor only regrets this will never happen.

“That _stupid_ mortal,” Loki cries, fists clenching Thor’s shirt. “I should have never fallen for him.”

“Do not say that,” Thor scolds. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“B-but…”

“Hush now, brother.”

“But I meanit. If it was not for him, I would never be like this. I should have never fallen for him. Look at what he’s made me become! A god too sentimental…and for a human nonetheless! I _hate_ him, Thor. I wish I had never met him.”

And yes, yes. They’ve been through this before, far too many times.

Once Thor had told Loki it wasn’t the case; Tony had changed Loki so much for the better, and even though Loki still thinks the Aesir despise him, it’s far from true. Loki was a diplomat in Asgard for quite some time, and Asgard had never been at such peace while he was. To this, Loki had responded that it didn’t matter. The peace had broken and the fucking _Jötnar,_ his kind—oh, it was all his fault.

Once Thor had told Loki that if Tony ever heard Loki say such things, it’d break his heart. All Loki had to say was it didn’t matter; Tony had broken his first. Besides, Tony wasn’t around to have his heart broken anymore.

Once Thor had said nothing, and left Loki to his own whims. It didn’t bode well, the trickster had tried to end his own life by giving himself in to venom as a kind of irony. But Loki had tried to end his life far too many times, and Thor wouldn’t be surprised if it was a daily thing. However Loki just wouldn’t die, the Norns won’t let him. Loki knew he had a part to play later on, during Ragnarök, and curses the Norns even more for not letting him be. Perhaps, all of this, this suffering, will be the build-up to the end of the Nine Realms.

Today Thor will hold Loki and tell him it will all be okay. Forget the fact that Tony isn’t here anymore, forget the fact that Loki has a role to play in the destruction of the gods, forget the fact that Loki is at his worst. It will all be okay, Thor is trying to tell Loki, but he knows from how Loki’s cries wrecks his body, that nothing has been or will be okay for Loki ever since Tony breathed his last.

* * *

In the morning, they have breakfast in stilted silence. That is until Thurd is unable to keep her mouth shut anymore. After all, there is only so long a child can be quiet.

“So where is uncle Tony now?” she asks, chewing slowly on her peanut butter and jam toast.

Loki’s teacup clatters onto its saucer and some of its contents spill. He apologises and stands up, making a beeline to the kitchen counter for a cloth. Sif is eyeing her child, but the girl is oblivious to it. Even with her brothers kicking her under her table and making signals for her not to ask, the child is stubborn.

“Thurd, you ask too many questions,” Thor warns, leaning forward on the table to stare at her.

“It’s fine,” Loki says with a shaky laugh as he sits down.

“So are you going to tell me where uncle Tony is?” Thurd questions, glaring at Modi for kicking her once more.

Thor rubs a hand over his face then back into his hair. He sits back into his chair and folds his arms. He’ll let Loki handle this, his brother seems strong enough to do so today.

“Your uncle Tony is in Helheim, darling,” Loki tells her with a small smile.

“Why isn’t he in Valhalla?”

“He wanted to hang out with your cousin Hela,” Loki replies, a clear lie, but the truth would be too much for a child of five, five in Midgard anyway. She’s fifty in Aesir time, but still young nonetheless. The true story was when the Valkyries came for Tony, he refused to go with them. He said that if Ragnarök was going to happen, there was no way he’s going to be on Odin’s side for it. He’d rather be in Helheim, rotting and suffering, if that meant being able to be by Loki’s side when the end came.

“Can we visit him, daddy?” Thurd turns to ask Thor, who winces at the question, but answers straight away:

“We cannot go to Helheim. You are too young, and Hela will not be pleased by the visit.”

Thurd huffs and looks back at Loki. “Have you visited uncle Tony then?”

Loki is tensed, a forced smile spreading across his lips. Just before Thor says something, Loki cuts in, “No, love. Your cousin is a very busy woman, and Anthony needs his rest.” A half-lie this time. Yes, Hela is very busy, but she just won’t let Loki see Tony for reasons she won’t explain. Through guesswork, Loki believes it’s because she thinks Loki needs to get over a meaningless human, meaningless in her eyes anyway.

“Who is Anthony?”

“That’s uncle Tony, sweetie.”

“Oh, okay then.”

Silence.

“So what brought uncle Tony to Helheim?” The question comes from Modi.

Sif and Thor can see the way Loki’s hand is trembling, can see how Loki’s throat looks tight when he swallows. They know he can’t answer this question. He’s never spoken about it clearly before, and they doubt he ever can until he stops blaming himself for it.

“Children, that is enough,” says Sif. “Go play with your father outside.”

The children shuffle out of their seats quietly, all pouting. They would complain if Sif weren’t the one who gave the orders; normally she is the nurturing one, the one who allows them to do as they please. Thor follows behind them, he looks like he’s about the lecture the kids.

“I apologise,” Sif says, after the front door has been shut. She takes Loki’s shaking hand into hers and pats the top of it. “Loki, it is okay. I know you miss him.”

Loki’s eyes flash dangerously, as if he’s about to lash out at her. He doesn’t, just grits his teeth and glare at her, but Sif doesn’t falter. She is truly all but concern. Seeing this, the gritting fades, and Loki’s shoulders slump. His green eyes drop to the table and they are not focused. Soon enough, the tears are gathering and falling. It isn’t only his hand that’s trembling now, but his entire being.

So many times. So many times Sif has seen this ever since Tony’s passing, and yet she feels that she is never going to be used to seeing Loki cry.

“It’s okay,” she always finds herself saying, the exact same way Thor always finds himself saying.

And Loki will always sit there, crying and crying, but never once denying that they are wrong. As much as he knows that it can’t possibly happen, he wants to believe that it will be okay.

* * *

Loki wakes up to an empty house; Thor and his family had left the day before, though reluctantly. Thor and Sif, ever worried about him, and the children, unwilling to leave because they want to know more about their uncle Tony.

There is nothing for him to do today, but Loki supposes he should head out to the supermarket to buy himself some food. He had learned to do this exactly 483 years ago, when the then 112 year old Anthony had to leave Loki alone in their house for a whole month. It was because that would be the last ever world conference Tony would have with SHIELD. He was going to be out of the whole SHIELD business at last, and there was plenty to settle.

Their home had been filled up on food, but after a mere week, Loki had run out. Little as he eats, it’s still plenty when compared to human beings. Of course, at the point of time, Loki could have easily asked JARVIS to order groceries from him. He decided against it, thinking that after decades, it was about time he stepped into a supermarket himself and see what food they had to offer. Luckily—whether or not for Loki or the cashier, it was rather hard to tell—Loki had learned to use money before he ventured to the supermarket.

Loki scoffs at the memory, he remembers how Tony had a little freak out over discovering that, screaming at Loki that there was a reason why JARVIS was built being able to do such things for the house. Loki also recalls slapping Tony on the cheek to shut him up, telling Tony that it was his own choice, so Tony had to deal with it. Tony had bristled like a tiger at the slap, and stopped talking to Loki for the next day. It would have lasted longer, Loki knew, but Tony was being stupid, and sex was always going to be a currency between the two.

Laughing, Loki turns to his side. He expects to see the empty space he still leaves for Tony, and yet, heart and breath both catching, it is Tony there that he finds. Tony is laying there on his side, half of his face buried by the pillow, and the sheets cover his naked body. It is as if all is normal once more.

“You’ve been thinking about me,” Tony says, simple and brief.

Loki doesn’t know whether he should keep laughing or start crying.

“Come on, darling. Don’t you go crying on me now. I only just got here.”

“It is exactly why I should start crying, you stupid man,” Loki says. He wipes the tears from his eyes, and stares at Tony with a shaky smile.

“But you’ve already been crying so much.”

“I think you know what exactly is the cause of that.”

“Love, you know it has never been my intention for that to happen.”

“It is never been your intention for anything to happen.”

“You know that isn’t true.”

“It is true when you stop using your brain to think.”

“I guess it’s true when it comes to you.”

A gentle smile breaks out on Tony’s face that makes his wrinkles crinkle. Loki remembers this, and has long memorised every dip and curve of it. Even so, memory can be a tricky thing sometimes, so Loki finds himself looking over Tony’s face again and again, wanting to sear the exact image of Tony’s face into his head.

“I love you,” Loki says.

“I love you too.”

“Then where have you been all this time?”

“In Helheim. In your heart. Here. I’ve always been here.”

“Why have I not seen you around?”

“Maybe it’s because you haven’t looked hard enough,” Tony says. “Maybe it’s because I was in the attic.”

Loki furrows his brows and reaches out to touch Tony’s cheek for the first time in over a century. It’s warm, and Tony cups his own hand over Loki’s, smiling into it.

“It’s been far too long, hasn’t it?” Tony asks. He turns to kiss Loki’s hand.

Loki swears under his breath as his vision becomes blurry once more.

“Stop crying, love. I’m here now.”

“Yes, but how long?”

“We’ll see, Lokes.”

“Can I kiss you then?”

“When have you ever asked?”

Loki chuckles, pulling Tony close. Their lips meet, gentle yet bruising. If their kisses taste like salt, neither of them bring it up. They just cling onto each other, holding one another so close that they’re sure if they could, they’d melt into each other and stay like that forever.

“I have missed you so much, Anthony.”

“I’ve missed you saying my name like that.”

“Is that all you miss about me?”

“No, but I’ve spent enough lifetimes boosting your ego.”

“Anthony, darling, I think that is meant to be my line.”

“Hah. I boost my own ego enough.”

“Yes, but it would be meaningless without me helping with that.”

“It’d always be meaningless without you, Lokes.”

“Imagine me without you for the past hundred years then.”

“Oh, I know, love. I know.”

“Why did you leave me?”

“I never wanted to leave you.”

“It was my fault, was it not?”

“Honey, it was never your fault.”

“Then why?”

“I had to go, you know that.”

“Yes, but you did not have to leave me.”

“You know I had to.”

“I hate you for leaving me.”

“I love you too, Loki.”

Tony brushes the tears away from Loki’s eyes and hushes him. “How long more are you going to keep crying for?” Tony asks.

“Until I stop myself from hating you for leaving. I know it was my fault, but—”

“Please believe me when I tell you it was never your fault, babe,” Tony sighs.

“But you left me. You left me when you promised you would never leave.”

“Loki, you know I had to leave.”

“You were immortal. We were going to be _forever._ ”

“We are forever, love. Being immortal doesn’t mean anything.”

“So why are you not here?”

“When are you going to stop talking to yourself, love?”

“When are we going to be together again?”

“You know when, Loki. I’m already waiting.”

Then the warmth in Loki’s arms is gone, the bed feels deserted, and Loki is forsaken. He sits up, drying the tears with the sheet; he never stopped crying. It is only then that he realises how much he’s willing to give to have Tony properly with him once more.

* * *

Ten Migardian years down the road has Loki contemplating whether he should let go of Tony. He knows exactly what he has to do to be with Tony again, yet he just can’t bring himself to just yet. He wonders if this is because he is punishing himself for being so undeserving, or if he doesn’t have it in him to carry it out.

He thinks of letting Tony go, of moving on. He has tried that before, almost as many times as he’s tried to off himself. It has also never worked. Loki thinks about how all these nameless, faceless flings have all felt like he was dipping his toes into the water where sea and land meets, too afraid to dive in and swim now that he knows how beautiful and terrifying the sea can be.

He misses his sea.

* * *

Eventually Loki comes to terms that he is never going to get over Tony’s death. He knows he’s never going to accept it, knows he’s always going to blame himself for it.

“Acceptance doesn’t come for everyone,” Tony once said.

Loki remembers how depressed Tony had been as he watched all his friends slowly grow old, then fade to ashes and dust. For a long time Tony had spent days with his tablet, reading and reading about grief. He read it so much that he repeated the words to himself in his sleep, repeated the words so much that Loki came to memorise it.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

Loki had watched Tony go through each one of them every single time a friend passed. Loki had gone through the same himself, but his was always more subtle, and acceptance always came easily.

“How do you cope with it?” Tony asked.

“What do you mean?” Loki replied. He was lying down at the edge of the roof of their house. It had rapidly became his favourite spot when they moved there. Their home was by the beaches in Norfolk; though Tony had never seen himself living in any place but the States, Tony fell in love with Norfolk the moment his bare feet kissed the sand there. He laughed about it, saying how fitting it was—how fitting the name Norfolk was—that Loki was from the Norse myths, and… Well, Loki got the picture quickly.

“How do you cope with having to watch people die?”

“I do not know,” Loki admitted. He had gotten over Frigga’s death fairly quickly, hadn’t he? It had been easy, in a way. She was dead and he couldn’t bring her back. While that never meant he wanted her to leave, it happened. There was nothing he could do about it. Then there had been Narvi and Vali, but they weren’t alive long enough, and in that time they were alive, Loki was not really in the right state of mind.

“I suppose as we age, we become more distant from humanity,” Loki said.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Why?”

“Because you love me,” Tony said bluntly.

“Yes, but that is a different matter.”

“How long do you think you would take to accept it when I die?”

“You are never going to die, Anthony. I will make sure of that.”

“Well, humour me, asshole.”

“I do not think it would be long. I got over Angrboda fairly quickly when I heard she was decapitated.”

“You wound me.”

“Do I?”

“I thought I was special.”

“Yes, you are. I would accept that you are dead, but that does not mean I would ever forget or stop loving you.”

“I hope that’s that case.”

“I could never forget you even if I tried, darling.”

“I know.”

If only Tony knew that Loki has not quite accepted his death yet. Loki is sure that Tony would call him a liar, but that has always been the case.

* * *

It takes Loki about fifteen years to sober up. He laughs about it to himself because Tony was the one who helped him through it, even though he knows better; that it wasn’t Tony, that it was really himself. But at the end of that fifteen years, Loki _is_ sober and knows that Tony would be so proud of him the way he had been proud of Tony when Tony managed to stay sober past the first week.

If it wasn’t for Loki planning to go to Asgard, he is pretty sure he’d still down in Midgard, downing drink after drink by himself.

“Brother!” Thor booms, striding towards Loki with arms open. “Welcome.”

Loki smiles and allows himself to hug Thor, and for a brief moment he regrets what he’s been planning. He is really here to talk to Thor about his plans though he is sure while Thor would never agree to it, there is no way he is stopping. If this is going to be the way he is finally reunited with Tony, then it has to happen.

“How have you been?” Thor asks.

“I am fine. Do not worry your kingly head over me.”

Thor chuckles and pets Loki’s shoulder. He likes the Loki he sees now; there’s not a hint of listlessness in those green eyes, only determination. Thor can’t help but wonder what it is that his brother has come for. It had been, what, four hundred years in Asgard since Loki last came to visit? Tony had been at Loki’s side then, so used to Asgard that he came in his own Asgardian clothes, happy to blend into their culture.

“I come here with matters to discuss,” Loki says, bowing his head.

“But brother, you have only just arrived. Surely you can find it in you to have some fun before whatever work comes in.”

The smile that Loki plasters on makes Thor cringe, but he isn’t surprised that Loki is here for business. With disappointment, Thor slumps his shoulders and sighs, “Alright. Do these matters involve the council?”

“Not at all. I wish to speak to you only.”

Thor nods and motions for Loki to walk with him. Loki follows, and eventually they end up in Loki’s old room. He smiles, a little fond, that everything in it, along with the wards he had placed, are all still intact.

As the door closes, Loki walks over to the small dining table in the corner of the room where he and Tony used to have their own quiet meals. Trying not to think too much of it—especially not with Thor around—Loki offers Thor a seat. Smiling at each other, Loki conjures a teapot along with two teacups; tea was a habit Loki picked up on earth, much to Tony’s distaste; he loved coffee too much.

“Tea?” Loki asks out of politeness, and pours a cup for Thor when Thor nods.

“Thank you, Loki. Now, what is it that you so urgently wish to speak about?”

“Ragnarök,” Loki says, brief and to the point.

Thor sits in silence, nursing the teacup that looks almost microscopic between Thor’s hands. “Proceed,” Thor says carefully.

“It is about time, is it not?”

“It is also but a prophecy.”

“Prophecies come true one way or another. Take Balder for example. It was prophesised he would die. I was meant to kill him. Perhaps I had taken too long, and the roles were changed. Tyr was the one who murdered Balder, and ironically enough, Tyr was thrown to Hel and eaten alive by Garm.”

“And your point, brother?”

“Like I said, it is about time.”

“You wish to carry out Ragnarök.”

“Yes.”

Thor stares hard into his rapidly cooling tea, unsure what to make of this. Taking a sip of it, Thor shakes his head. “Do you have a reason for this?” he asks patiently.

“I believe this is how Anthony and I will be reunited,” Loki says.

Thor’s head perks up and he scrutinises his brother. “You believe Ragnarök is how you and Tony will reunited?” Thor repeats, pronouncing each word slow and precise.

Loki nods his head and pours himself another cup of tea, then glances away as he sips it.

“Please, explain.”

“You know by now I am unable to die regardless of what I attempt,” Loki says. “I believe Ragnarök is the reason for that. The Norns have foreseen my role, and it is within my belief that I would be unable to rest until I have carried that out. Besides, you know what Midgard is like now. Corrupt, so corrupt. Anthony… He would not like what it has become.”

“And what of Asgard, along with the other seven realms?”

Loki sighs. “Asgard must fall. It has always been destined to fall. Niflheim has its role to play with Ragnarök, but you already know that. Of the rest, I do not know. We are all to burn, are we not? Let… Before it is too late, Thor. We should carry Ragnarök out on our own conditions.”

“Tell me your plans, Loki,” is all Thor says.

And Loki does. His plan follows closely to the prophecies, only some parts of it—like Tyr’s death—are different. He tells Thor that it would be easier if that was the case. Since most that are involved already know about their roles, and switching a being for another might just cause unnecessary difficulty. Loki knows that Thor, being Thor, would want to try and save as much of the Aesir as he can.

“But you cannot do that,” Loki says. “There are the fated ones who will live, like Freyja and your sons. But to be honest, I do not enjoy the idea of Freyja being one of those who starts the new world. You know what she is like.”

Thor nods, still silent. Freyja, while beautiful and loving, is also known to be greedy, jealous, and deceitful. She isn’t the most ideal to start a new world; only the Norns know what the Norns were thinking.

“Perhaps we can exchange her for Thurd,” Loki suggests.

“Yes,” Thor says straight away. “That would be nice.”

“But even with all this said, plans do not always fall through the way we want it to.”

“I understand that,” Thor replies with a nod. “And what of father?”

“I suppose he will wake from Odin-sleep as soon as Ragnarök starts.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be the case.”

“Well, what do you say?”

“It is insane,” Thor whispers, “but I suppose this would be much preferred than any other thing the Norns may have planned.”

Loki smiles apologetically and relaxes into his chair. He is relieved that he was able to speak sense into Thor, even if it hadn’t take him much effort.

“Thank you, brother,” Loki says.

Thor is the one who is smiling apologetically now. “No, thank you,” Thor says. “Only you would have the courage to carry out such.”

Laughing without mirth, Loki states, “If it weren’t for Anthony, I doubt I would even bother.”

“Ah, yes.”

“Yes indeed.”

“I look forward to you meeting him once more.”

“Who knows. When Niflheim and Valhalla are both gone, what do the dead have?”

“I believe you will be reunited with him, brother.”

Those words has Loki blinking away tears. He wants to believe the same, wants to hope for the same, but after the lie of immortality, Loki is inclined to believe that, even though he is the Liesmith, the biggest of all liars are the Norns. He knows he’ll never get by a day without cursing them anymore.

When Loki says nothing, Thor stands up and walks over to Loki, pulling his brother into a hug. Loki sighs, wanting to scold Thor for the affection. Then after thinking about how this may be the last time they would ever have a moment like that, Loki returns Thor’s hug with a crushing one of his own.

“There is no better brother I can ask for,” Loki finds himself admitting, and he knows that while they’ve had all their bouts, this will forever hold true even after the end of the Nine Realms.

Thor squeezes Loki in his arms harder, and they remain in that embrace for a few more moments before pulling away from each other. If Loki notices that Thor is the one with tears in his eyes when they part, Loki says absolutely nothing about it.

Clearing his throat, Loki says, “Take all the time you need. Let me know when you are ready.”

As Thor nods, someone knocks on the door. They look at each other before Thor turns away to dry his face. It is only when Thor glances back and nods that Loki says, “Come in.”

A servant shuffles in, letting Loki know that Thor’s children are looking for him.

Loki shakes his head, telling the servant that while he is eager to see them, it has been a long journey and he needs rests. He shall have to see them in the morning instead. The servant nods, and quickly makes his exist.

“I should leave you to your rest too, brother,” Thor says, rising to his feet.

Loki stands up too, and watches Thor. He thinks that after all, Thor is definitely a better fit as king.

“Rest well,” Loki says softly.

Just before Thor leaves, he pulls Loki in for yet another crushing hug. Loki returns it without thought this time, though perhaps he’s only hugging Thor this hard in attempt to absorb his strength for what’s to come.

* * *

Now that he is finally alone, Loki allows himself to look around the room. He approaches the bed, shedding himself of clothes, leaving a trail of them behind him. He drops onto the bed, blissful to feel the soft sheets against his cheek. Nuzzling his cheek against the pillow, he takes a deep breath. He knows it should not be possible, but it still smells faintly of Tony.

“Missed me, darling?”

“Anthony.”

“Your one and only.”

“So many times you have come to me in this form. By now I have learned that you are not truly here. Why are you here this time?”

“You thought of me,” Tony says, smile disappearing.

Loki laughs with abandon, and runs his hand through his hair. “I’m always thinking of you,” Loki whispers when he stops laughing. His eyes on Tony are sad, almost empty, but if one knows to look better, there’s still a glint of hope in there.

“I know you are always thinking of me.”

“So tell me, love. Why are you here?”

“You needed me to be.”

Loki falls silent, wanting to say that like how he is always thinking of Tony, he always needs him by his side too. And Tony, seeming to know this, shifts closer to Loki and wraps himself around the god. Instantaneously, Loki is melting into the warmth and taking in as much of Tony’s presence as he can.

There is something Loki has never admitted before, but now says: “The first decade of your death, I kept an illusion of you up to keep you around. It was easier that way. Pretending you were there. Thor kept visiting me, you know? You know the like of him. Kept insisting on taking care of me, wanting to know I was fine. He never approved of the illusions, and it took a very long time for him before he finally convinced my mind that it was actually an illusion.”

“I know,” Tony murmurs, stroking Loki’s hair.

“Yes. Yet your illusion flickered on and off. You were not there, but you were. I saw you through the corner of my eyes, through mirrors, reflections. I knew it was slowly driving me insane. So I did what I had to do, Anthony. I had to put you away.”

Sighing, Loki tugs Tony even closer and presses his lips to Tony’s forehead. It is there that he continues, saying quietly, “My intention in the beginning was to gather all your things and burn them. I thought it would be easier for me to accept your death that way. But I could not find it in me to do such. Instead I packed up all your things and put them in your study.”

“Thank you for not throwing me away,” Tony says, only to receive a huff from Loki.

“You know I would have never been able to. In fact, after the initial weeks, I started to feel bad about putting all that was left of you in boxes. I took out a few items from those boxes. Ones that I thought you would appreciate most, like your favourite mug. These items, I took to the attic and there I did some refurnishing. I know it was foolish of me to do what I did, but while I knew you were in deep in the middle of Nifleheim with Hela, I thought that I could make a little paradise on Midgard in our home. I had to uninstall JARVIS from the house when I packed your things up, but brought him back only in the attic where you could be with him. There, I placed your bots too. They did not seem to mind, as if they knew my intentions. Besides, it was better than having them locked up in your study.”

“I know, darling.”

“I know you know,” Loki utters as he wraps his arms inordinately tightly around Tony. “You are but an illusion.”

“Let’s not think about that for now. Allow yourself this, Loki. Just tonight.”

Hesitant, Loki nods slowly, expecting Tony to disappear on that note. The illusion remains, never wavering. Silence falls over them like the sandman’s dust on sleeping children’s eyes; it’s comforting and Loki feels content in a way he hasn’t felt for ages.

Just as Loki is about to doze off, he sees Tony’s illusion flash, a warning sign that it’s about to disappear. All thoughts of sleep drain from his mind, and once again Loki is wide awake.

“No, do not leave,” Loki says. “Not just yet.”

Tony’s smile is melancholic which has Loki wondering if this is his own expression he is seeing, or what Tony would actually be feeling. He’ll settle for both, both is okay.

“I’m still here.”

“Good.”

“You can sleep, love. It’ll be fine.”

“Yes, but not just yet,” Loki says.

“And why is that?” asks Tony, like he doesn’t actually know what’s going through Loki’s head.

“There are some things I have yet to say to you.”

“Can’t you tell me when you see me?”

“I know not whether I will be able to see you again.”

“Believe that you will, Loki.”

“Yes, but it is something small, yet significant. I have to say it now, and if I see you once more, I will repeat myself.”

“What’s it then?”

“There has been much talk on the prophecies lately, and I have just been thinking… It was said that before Ragnarök, I would be bound by chains as poison from a snake dribbled on me to waste me away. Sigyn was meant to still be my wife then and she was meant to hold a bowl above me, allowing me to be relieved of the poison to recover. It is only when the bowl was full and Sigyn had to empty it that the poison would deteriorate me once more.”

“I don’t get your point.”

Loki chuckles, kissing Tony quickly on the lips. “Even as an illusion,” Loki says. “Even as _my_ illusion, you are impatient.”

“You’re still not getting to the point, Lokes.”

“And rude, too.”

Tony scowls and rolls his eyes at Loki, who finally explains.

“Well, Sigyn and I were never meant to be. Yes, she bore me children, but when they died, so did our love. I think, in place came you. Not quite a wife, but still. You were my ‘Sigyn’ in the prophecies. The chains that punished me was your death, and the poison was my mind rotting away for longing so much for you and never getting over your death. These visits—these illusions of you that visit me. I believe it is the bowl of the prophecies, feeding me back my sanity, letting me be strong once more. That is why I also believe this will be the last time I see you, in this form anyway.”

“Ah,” is all Tony has to say. He remains solemn, if not for his eyes searching Loki’s.

“I will miss you,” Tony says later, after they’ve held each other and just as Loki is about to fall asleep again.

“We will meet again,” Loki promises. “Have faith.”

“Feeding me my own words,” Tony scorns, but only lightly.

“The way you feed me mine, love.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I shall miss you too, but it will not be for long.”

“You ready to tell Thor’s kids about our story?”

“No, I do not think I will ever be.”

“But you will.”

“Yes, I will.”

“I love you so much, Loki.”

“As I do you, Anthony.”

“Good night,” Tony whispers.

“Good night, love,” Loki replies, voice as soft.

Contrary to Loki’s disappointment, the illusion stays, and stays until only Loki is far too gone in his sleep to see the flash of green as Tony disappears.

* * *

In the morning, Magni is the first to see Loki who tells him to meet at the garden. He dashes off to gather his siblings, a jump in each of his steps. When they come to Loki, they come like children meeting the first fall of snow, thrilled and eager to play.

Loki is pleasantly stunned upon seeing them.

The three are all fine young men and woman now. Magni and Modi have both taken to their father so well that they look like Thor when he was much younger, except Magni has dark brown hair, and Modi is almost half a head shorter. Thurd, on the other hand, looks so much like her mother, Sif, that forces Loki to remember how the prophecies meant for her to have a different mother. Funny how even the Norns can’t get everything right, but Loki supposes the future is never definite.

After the shock passes, Loki welcomes the children with fond smiles, not bothering to rise from the bench that used to be Tony’s favourite. They each greet him with a hug and receive a kiss on the forehead.

“Uncle Loki,” Thurd greets with a beam. Gone was the high-pitched voice she had as a child, and in place of it was low, almost velvety.

“Thurd, darling,” Loki says. “Magni. Modi. You have all grown so much.”

“As have you, uncle,” Magni jokes, stepping forward to pull Loki into a group hug with his siblings.

“Have I?” Loki asks with a scoff. “How rude.”

“Oh, do not listen to him, uncle Loki,” Thurd says with a roll of her eyes. “You are as beautiful as I remember you to be.”

Loki smiles fondly and squeezes Thurd on the shoulder, then the children are sitting by Loki’s feet. For once the three are quiet, but they are jittery, continuously glancing at one another.

Loki chuckles and offers them a box of cookies he had baked and brought from Midgard. Magni and Modi remembers what they are, and are more than keen to take one for themselves to chew on. Thurd is a little slow to react, furrowing her brows at the foreign food in confusion. It is only when she sees the euphoric looks on her brothers’ faces from eating them that she finally takes one for herself. Even then, her first bite is a nibble, and when she finds it to her liking, she takes a bigger bite from it.

Loki knows what to expect next. He hadn’t noticed or remembered much of the children’s curiosity about Tony in the past. Like becoming distant from humanity, Loki guesses the memory becomes a hazy thing with time too. But if it’s that way, Loki wonders why he still has every single detail of every moment spent with Tony memorised. Memory has always been a funny thing.

“I shall tell you about Anthony today,” Loki says, deciding to spare them the trouble, then pauses, looking off into the sky. He’s not even sure he’s ready for this, but it is about time and perhaps the children deserve to know after all these years.

The three pass excited glances between each other and grins from ear to ear. When Loki looks at them, his heart aches. They are all still so young, and yet they’ll be forced to age so much in the years to come.

“We met on Midgard, while I was on a rampage and being under mind control,” Loki starts, voice soft and almost regretful. “But you already know this. They are in the history books, are they not? What you are here to know about is the details of how we got together, to the events of his death.”

Tongues tied, the siblings can only watch their uncle Loki warily until he speaks once more.

“When I decided for Anthony to be my lifelong partner, Your grandfather would have none of it in the beginning. He did not approve that Anthony was mortal, and had tried tearing your uncle Anthony and me apart, utterly convinced that my love for him was just a ruse. Yet years went on and I stubbornly remained by Anthony’s side. Odin laughed at us, mocked Anthony. During a visit to Asgard, he told Anthony that I was with him simply to pass the time, and once Anthony’s short mortal life came to an end, I would forget about him.

“Anthony told me nothing of this. It was a lowly servant, a servant who used to clean my chambers, that had heard of it and thought it was wise for me to know. I was furious, angry that Anthony would keep such a thing from me, but much more outraged that Odin even thought to say such a thing.”

Loki sighs, and shakes his head. Looking firmly into each one of the children’s eyes, he says, “I am forever bitter when it comes to Odin, but never forget that he is still your grandfather. Let not my opinions of him change yours.”

Eyes wandering into the skies again, Loki falls into silence once more. Magni nudges his brother who scowls at him, then looks at Thurd who shrugs. When Loki comes back from his drifting thoughts, he pardons himself and says:

“Yes. I was very angry at Anthony, but said nothing of it because I was far more upset at Odin. To prove him wrong, I took it upon myself to visit Idun. You know what gossip is like in Asgard; it spreads like the most venomous poison in one’s blood. Idun had heard of Odin’s words to Anthony by the time I arrived in her gardens, and she welcomed me with grace.

“I told her I wanted an apple, maybe a few for Anthony. I expected resistance from her. I expected her to scream at me and tell me it was blasphemous to feed a mortal her golden apples. But to my surprise, she had readied a basket full of them and said that it was mine to take. I admit, I had never been so perplexed in my life. Rarely has an Aesir been on my side, and yet there she was, offering the apples for me to take!

“Apprehensive, I asked her what it was she was scheming. She only said, ‘Loki, never once have I seen you put so much concern and love in another. For this alone, I am willing for you to have some apples I have harvested.’ Still, I did not believe her though I knew I had no choice. Taking them, I went in search of Anthony.”

“Father told me uncle Tony did not want to take them at first,” Modi chimes in, only to earn himself dirty looks from Thurd and Magni.

Loki chuckles, remembering. “Yes,” he says. “Anthony was very reluctant to take them at first. See, we had been together for five years then. He was never sure if he would be able to settle down with me. He loved me, there was no doubt in that. The only thing that held him back was his thoughts about living while his other loved ones died around him. He did not want to see them crumble to ashes, and was afraid of how the world might change around him. In the end, he took a bite of the apple on a whim. Said he wanted to know if it tasted the same as a normal apple. It was very much like him to do so. Silly Anthony.”

“So how did you two get together?” Thurd asks meekly.

“Ah yes. How we got together. After the events with the chituari, I found myself fascinated by Anthony. However, other things obstructed me from meeting him once more. While I reigned as king, I took it upon myself to visit him, and promptly threw him out the window a second time for his impertinence.”

Thurd giggles. She found it extremely amusing the first time she read about Loki throwing Tony out the window. Loki looks at her with a smile, looking back on it, he can’t quite explain why he did that. It wasn’t like he really wanted Tony to die the first time, and knew that Tony wouldn’t die the second. Well, he actually didn’t know that Tony _would_ die the second time.

“But I saw my mistake the moment I flung him out, and teleported to catch him, then teleported back into his living room. He punched me hard in the face, except when punches come from human beings, they feel more like kittens trying to paw at your face. Well, afterwards things got a little...” Loki coughs into his hands, not wanting to tell his nephews and niece about the crazy amounts of very, very, very angry sex he and Tony had in that first week.

“Yes, well,” Loki says, ignoring the weird looks he receives from them. “Tony and I started spending time together, and your father found out after eight months. Needless to say, he was disappointed I had not told him earlier. He also wept, a lot. Said something about being happy for me and the like. Oh, Thor.” Loki shakes his head with a smile.

Magni squints at Loki, crossing his arms. Around a mouthful of cookies, he manages to says, “I think you were trying to say what happened after he punched your face?”

“Yeah! Tell us,” Thurd backs him up, leaning forward look up at Loki, who flushes and turns away.

“Oh, come on uncle Loki,” Modi grumbles. “Just say it, you and uncle Tony had sex.”

“Children!” Loki scolds, but his face is redder by the second. Normally he would not be inclined to hide the details of his sex life from those who asked (he remembers Agent Barton here, always curious, then always regretting asking), but these are Thor’s _kids_ he’s talking to.

Magni snorts, “Like we do not know what you and uncle Tony were like. The two of you never kept your hands off each other while he was still alive—oh.”

“Anthony and I love each other very much, yes,” Loki says with a tight smile, but there is no hint of displeasure in his eyes. “Anyway, we were together for centuries, living in either here, or Midgard. There were times when we travelled to Alfheim until we bought ourselves a holiday house there, visiting it every so often. Then when your father became king, I became his advisor for a few decades, until Anthony got bored of being stuck on Asgard and demanded us to go travel once more.

“So I left your father’s side, but helped every time I came back here. Anthony always complained about your father stealing my time, but never once meant any of it. He loved your father the way he would a brother, and your father loved him the very same. Then one day…

“One day while in Alfheim, a group of Jotnar appeared at our doorstep. I did not think that they would have caused any trouble; we have been at peace for so long. They came looking for Anthony, and I should have known better. Anthony came, rushing to the door, wondering what they might have wanted. Before either of us had a chance to react, one of them tore Anthony’s heart from his chest. And—” Loki stops, staring into his hands. He still blames himself for what happened. How could he had not seen it coming? Countless of wards he had put on Anthony, layers and layers of protective spells, and _yet._ Existence has always been most fragile, hasn’t it.

“They took him from me, and so I took their family, then their lives from them. Never was I able to find out the reason for decades, and Anthony slipped from my grasp just like that. It took me so long, so _damned_ long to find out. I should have seen it from the start. It was revenge for what I did to Laufey. It had been my fault all along.”

Loki’s eyes are wet, but through them he sees that his aren’t the only ones that are crying. He can see that like himself, so are the children, even if all the tears are trying to be kept at bay.

“I miss him so much,” Loki says quietly.

Thurd climbs to her feet and rushes forward to envelop Loki with a hug. Following their sister’s example, the brothers take Loki in their arms too, all sniffing almost soundlessly.

“You shall meet him soon, uncle,” Modi murmurs. “Father told us of your plan.”

“Ah,” Loki sighs. He is startled that it has been so soon but they already have knowledge on what’s to come. He should commend Thor on that; he always have given Thor little credit where it’s due.

Releasing Loki from their hug, the trio kneel by him and take Loki’s hands into theirs. “It shall be alright,” Thurd tells Loki. “Have strength, uncle Loki.”

“Yes, be strong,” Magni says. “You and uncle Tony shall be reunited.”

Loki nods once, then twice, and again. “I shall be,” he promises the children. “But so shall you.”

“Of course,” they chorus, looking at their uncle tenderly. “We have faith in you.”

* * *

In the morning, Thurd knocks on Loki’s door and comes in almost timidly. She lingers at the door, kicking her foot at the ground, murmuring incoherent words.

“Darling,” Loki says. “I cannot quite hear you. Come closer. Speak up.”

She seems to be changing her mind, averse to asking her question now. In the end, she sighs with her entire body and walks towards Loki who smiles affectionately at her.

“What is it?” he asks.

“It is about uncle Tony,” she says, eyes not quite meeting Loki’s.

Loki tries to catch her eyes, and when he eventually does, he expresses that it is fine for her to go ahead with what she wants to know.

“The first time I visited you on Midgard,” Thurd starts, her words slow and precise, “I saw a picture of uncle Tony. Father said it was the only one left, that you burned the rest of them. Why did you burn them?”

Because after the illusion went away, Loki kept trying to search for Tony every time he turned his head, expecting him to be there. Too much of seeing Tony in the corner of his eyes drove Loki mad with longing, until one day he could not take it anymore and gathered all the pictures but one and built a pyre on the beach, then they all went up in flames. Sometimes he regretted that decision, but it was far better than having Tony haunt him more than Tony already was, is.

“To remind myself he was not really there,” is all Loki permits her to know, but she seems content enough with his explanation.

* * *

Loki goes back to Midgard, and Thor calls upon him exactly twenty days later, even to the hour. Loki adds up swiftly in his head that it’s 200 Asgardian days, he’s almost taken aback that Thor had managed to settle things so quickly. Then again, in that twenty Midgardian days, Loki had also managed to visit Muspellheim and Helheim. He had noted the obvious lack of Tony’s presence there, but thought better than to mention it. After all, Hela did not truly see him as her father anymore, not with how even though she was his child, she was there from the very beginning and ruled Nifleheim all along.

When the day of Ragnarök is upon them, Asgard knows Loki is coming. With his army, Loki cannot stop pacing. He doubts any of this will work, and even after he was over the doubt that Ragnarök would even happen, he doubted that he would finally get to see Tony again. By the time the first horn sounded, Loki drove himself mad thinking about the possibilities of the outcomes. Then when the second horn blares, the third, Loki decides that it is enough thinking. What other choice did he have but to go through this? The Norns did have this coming.

It is far too easy to release his rage. When Asgard’s guards are penetrated, Loki finds himself throwing all kinds of destructive magic about. Not a care was given to who he killed. Every face is not taken in, but their blood mixed as one on Loki’s clothes, on Loki’s skin. It is everyone’s fault that this is happening. How could they have taken Tony away from him? _How._

While he slaughters both enemies and allies, there are times when Loki wants to just give up. The voice in the back of his head nags that it won’t work, he won’t be reunited with Tony. He doesn’t _deserve_ to be reunited with Tony. The voice also tells him that he couldn’t die if he tried. There is never going to be solace for him.

Then before Loki knows it, he is on the bridge with Heimdall. Heimdall’s sword is thrust deep in his heart, and Loki’s spear had long spilled out the entrails of the gatekeeper. In Heimdall’s golden eyes, Loki can see the pleasure that the gatekeeper is taking from this victory. While Sif had warmed up to him easily not long after Thor’s marriage to her, her brother always stayed hostile toward him. Loki really isn’t surprised at the smirk on Heimdall’s lips.

As Loki collapses, he sees the Black Surt being released and how there’s a massive flare that comes with fire. This is it, Loki thinks, the end of the nine realms and I was the one who brought it. He hopes that Thor’s children are safely nestled deep inside Yggdrasil, and hopes that Thor died peacefully. He knows there is never going to be any way of him finding out, but he can hope.

Loki remembers a saying on Midgard that life flashes before one’s eyes before they die. He scoffs at that. All he can see is the ruins of Asgard, the fire raining from the skies. His body isn’t pleased by the foreign object, and he can almost feel his muscles and magic constricting, trying to force the sword out of his chest.

It hurts so much, but what hurts more is that Ragnarök is done and yet Tony is nowhere to be seen. What was he thinking, really. He had gotten the idea that he would be with Tony again from Tony. The Tony who was an illusion, the Tony who was really just a ghost in Loki’s head. He shouldn’t even have gone through this; look at how much he’s cost. All this for Tony and Tony is still not by his side.

Loki wonders if this is the Norns having their final laugh at him, and if they are, let them laugh. At least—at the very least, he is finally dying. Maybe he can finally go to sleep, and he will never have to live without seeing Tony again. At least in death, there is nothingness. At least, Loki can finally have peace in his mind.

There’s another flash, and Loki finds himself having the strength to sit up. He’s on a beach, and everything looks like the same day he had taken that one photograph of Tony. Even the clothes Tony has on are the same, the cocky grin’s the same too.

Loki has a camera in his hand, and automatically lifts it up to take a picture of Tony like that. On the camera’s display, Loki sees that it’s the exact same picture. He tilts his head in confusion, which has Tony running up to Loki, kicking up clouds of sand in his leave.

“Took you long enough,” Tony laughs as he drops to his knees and leans forward on Loki’s knees. “Here I thought you were never going to wake up.”

It can’t have all been a dream, Loki tells himself. It was much too vivid to be a dream, and Loki would have known if he was dreaming; none of his dreams are ever like that.

“I’m here now,” Loki finds himself saying, and receives a quick kiss on the lips for that.

He drops the camera to wind his arms tightly around Tony, who chuckles and returns the gesture. “I missed you,” Loki murmurs into Tony’s hair.

“It’s been so long, hasn’t it?” Tony says. His words tell Loki that, no, it wasn’t just a dream.

“Then where are we?” Loki asks.

“We’re on the beach, love.”

“This place should not exist anymore. I know for a fact that the Nine Realms burned, so _where_?”

“Does it really matter now? We’re together.”

“Yes, I suppose that is what truly matters.”

Tony’s smile falters for a moment, but then he’s grinning once more. Pushing Loki to lay on the sand, Tony crawls on top of the god and nuzzles himself there. It has Loki wondering what happened after Ragnarök, if any of this is true. But he doesn’t want to think about it, not anymore. He doesn’t care if time rewound itself, or if all of this is just a state of his mind. Tony is here, and Loki knows that it is all he needs. He holds Tony close, tight and protective, swearing that this time, there is nothing he is going to let take Tony away from him.

“I’ve missed you,” Loki repeats, eyes closing to the fading sun.

“And I missed you too, darling.”


End file.
